On the nature of blogs, behavior and being unreasonable

I think this is an Obvious Idea post. However, it has become exceedingly clear that this is not obvious and it needs to be addressed.

On blogs: A blog is a lot like reality tv. While 24 hours of my life go by each day, I spend maybe 5-10 minutes writing what's on my mind or what I've done that day. Think about this, 5-10 minutes to describe a day. Clearly, much is edited to fill the little entry. Clearly, what is included is subject to what is on my mind and presented with my personal bias. I am a rather opinionated (someone once said judgemental) person. To repeat: this blog is *my* recollection and *my* description of events. I still don't quite understand the line between these two traits, but there you go.

A blog is a record of [most frequently] one person's feelings or thoughts about whatever is on their mind. It is that person's opinions. It is biased. Blogs are not about Unbiased Accounts of What Really Happened. I have always wondered what would happen if I posted something even remotely negative about anyone who actually has access to my blog. I've often felt my blog was rather vanilla, in that everything written is generally upbeat or entertaining.

An opinion is an opinion. A feeling is a feeling. These are personal things. This blog is a personal thing to me and I choose how and what to share through it. There are many, many things which I've not written about here, and do not intend to. If I wanted to be spiteful, malicious or cruel, I could write many things about people I've met or things I've seen. I could write about the extreme poverty that still exists in Argentina and the dearth of homeless children begging everywhere. I've seen things that have truly made my heart break in sadness. I could write about specific events in Argentina in which people whined, behaved in unthinking ways or were just plain stupid. Or, I could just start naming names. And before Anonymous gets his panties bunched even further, I'm using these examples to cover many people.

Or, I could write about how Anonymous is using my paintings as hostage until he gets the apology he feels he deserves and is warranted to him. It's been brought to my attention that he feels what I wrote was a "lie". I've taken the time to write a thoughtful, non-inflammatory email to him (when what I really want to do is write something entirely different) and try to engage him in some kind of dialogue. I have no idea if he actually read the email because all I know is he posted a comment saying the apology was not enough. I don't even know exactly what it is I'm supposed to write. Am I supposed to write he was The Best Travel Companion EVER!? Am I supposed to write that I'm a hysterical raving bitch and that I'm fabricating my emotions? I have no idea. I struck a nerve and I can't even respond properly because I haven't been told what nerve it was.

I am not psychic. If anyone knows a good psychic, do let me know...

On unreasonable behavior: So. Let's get back to paintings as hostage. We'll start with an email he wrote me after the post (see, being spiteful would mean reprinting it here), saying all sorts of nasty things to me, attacking me and my character. He then told me that unless I print a "sincere and to the point" and "you're a writer...make it sing" apology by a certain date, then my things [my paintings] "will be tossed!" He went on to tell me not to respond to the email because he'd blocked my email address (the email I sent him after his email was from another email address I have -- I have several). Is this adult, reasonable behavior? To me, sadly no. I generally think that being that vindictive is a pure waste of time and, for me, not remotely worth the energy. The previous post was not written in spite. If anything, it was written in exasperation and sadness. As much as I love most of my friends, I've discovered it's probably not a good idea for them to travel and visit me while I'm on this trip. I am in a different mental space than anyone I knew before I started this trip is in, and it just doesn't seem compatible to anyone currently working or who is stressed out. Perhaps this is selfish or even egotistical, but hey, this is how I've interpreted my experiences and how I feel.

I will say that if my paintings are destroyed or otherwise not returned to one of my friends, I will pursue legal action upon my return to Seattle, and this is not an idle threat. I have documentation of his threat to destroy my paintings (behold, the power of an email archive). I've previously been in a position where I found it necessary to take legal action against someone, and I was quite successful in pursuing that action.

Were the request one to rewrite or remove the post, I would have considered it. Even after I posted it, and before any of this vitriol started, I pondered that maybe I could have written it differently and that maybe I would edit it later. It's possible I will still edit the post. Though, this will not change the content of that post, just the way it's presented.

On behavior: I never claim to be perfect. I am flawed just like everyone else -- no more, no less. I am disgustingly average that way. The people I think are more flawed than everyone else are those that think they are perfect. I've met a few of these shiny, fake people, and I tend to run as far away from them as I can. Do I have faults? Certainly! Am I a nasty, cruel person [sic] "undeserving of any friends"? Certainly NOT. Friendship is about many things, one of the most important being acceptance of the person you are around. The other person I wrote about in my blog, at much greater length I might add, well, we've made peace with each other. You are around people because you like them more than any faults they may have. You accept them in spite of, and including, their faults. If there is a disagreement or issue between two people, then it is their responsibility to resolve it in a responsible way. This means that a dialogue must occur -- without exception. It means that demands for censorship and, in fact, lying, are without merit. If the friendship meant anything, then dialogue is natural even if it is difficult.

Now, I am more than willing to walk away from people that are poor friends or display really bad behavior. I've done it before and I'm sure I will do it again. It makes me sad to lose friends, because I spend a lot of time and energy cultivating and managing friendships. Any difficulties I have dealing with other people are no greater or less than much of the general population. In addition, I recognize difficulties in my personality and actually work to change the ones I feel need to be changed. I have not always been the best kind of friend to some people. However, those situations have generally ended up with some kind of discussion of the issues at hand, without ultimatums and blocked email addresses in the first volley. Some friendships were repaired, others were mutually discovered to be beyond repair and went down in flames, others still were rejected by me because I felt the person in question was disrespectful of me and wasn't going to change and I wasn't going to put up with that kind of behavior any longer. As a coda, one friendship that had been ended by me, I missed the friend so much that I got back in touch with her a couple years later and our friendship is stronger than ever. So yes, I make mistakes with people, and I try to find the courage to right things when I can. And when things don't appear fixable, I can and will walk away. Otherwise, I live with my decisions -- even when I'm not happy about them. I am able to accept myself as I am, and I like myself even in spite of my undesirable traits. Though, when there appears an impasse when agreement and dialogue cannot be achieved, or people become self-righteous and unwilling to accept any blame for a situation, this is what happens: 1. I try to engage them in a dialogue; if the dialogue works (and this has happened several times), then the friend remains a friend; if the dialogue is refused, then I walk away. I walked away from one of the people I was closest to right before I left Seattle. I became angry at something he did, and he wouldn't acknowledge any wrong-doing, nor would he apologize, nor would he make time to deal with the issue before I left. There were several other factors involved, as I do not make the decision to walk away from a friend, especially a close one, lightly. With that particular person, there were other factors I was aware of in our friendship, and I didn't feel I was being treated in a fully respectful way. Again, this is my interpretation of what happened between him and I. I'm sure if you asked him, he would paint a different picture and make himself look rosy.

I do not write about all the different people I meet and spend time with. Sometimes I will mention people, but those mentions do not begin to cover all the people I meet or the time I spend with other people or the quality of time. Shall I tell you about the British woman I met on the way to my current destination (we happened to be on the same flight and staying in the same hostel and we met at the airport bus stop), whom I am now fast friends with. The Spanish girls in my hostel room my last night in London that I got along so well with, we all stayed up hours later talking than any of us intended to -- and then they took a photo of me because they wanted to remember me. I once met a woman in a UK train station that works for a large company, and told me to visit their website and let them know if I might be interested in working with/for them, just because I happened to engage her in a conversation and they thought I was rather outgoing, smart and possibly a really good person to work with. Or any of the several people I've met in hostels and spent several days with -- people that even *volunteered* to go and wait in the hospital with me as I've dealt with the continuing problems with my ankle.

I will also say that I have a temper and I will express anger. There are people that will attest to this. Though, I still work on learning how exactly to manage my anger and I work to express it only when I feel it expressly justified. Of course, my anger is not always expressed properly. I hope that I never experience so much anger that I know how to express it properly -- that thought frightens me. I spent many, many years not expressing my anger and it really hurt me as a person. It does no one any good if feelings are not expressed. People are angry at each other, and if they care about each other, they will make an effort to resolve the anger. Otherwise, if you only want to surround yourself with Yes People or Fair Weather Friends, what's the point? Those people are not friends. Friends call friends on inappropriate behavior. Friends help friends. Friends do not make themselves victims to the people they call friends. Friends do not lie to friends. This list could go on forever, but I hope you get the idea.

So. I hope this is the last time I have to write any of this. It seems common-sense to me, but I know from experience that sometimes common-sense ideas have to be reiterated now and again.