On travelling with friends

This is a mixed bag. On one hand, you get excited because you will be seeing someone who knows you and someone you like to spend time with. On the other hand, if they're working then they're not as relaxed as you are and then their General Level Stress causes problems (I have found that while I am more relaxed than ever, I tend to be really sensitive around other people's stress -- especially if that person is a friend and I can't just walk away from them completely (like you can with people in hostels or people you meet elsewhere)). On yet another hand, you may discover that you do not like travelling with that person.

I have just had this happen for the second time.

Argh.

When the first friend visited me in Argentina, there were difficulties. Namely, I had to organize everything and he wanted someone by his side at nearly all times. He made a stink about having to eat alone, and didn't even want to go on walks by himself. I tend to be pretty independent, and while I enjoy spending time with other people, I also highly value having time by myself or spending time with more than one person. He also hadn't researched what he wanted to do before he arrived, which left me as an ill-prepared and unpaid tour guide (I mean, you do research the place you're going to visit, right? -- even if you're going to visit a friend?). There were nice moments in that trip, mostly very early on, but it became very difficult and there is no way I will travel alone with that person again (before the trip I'm on, we'd talked about taking a long train ride together, in a country where neither of us speaks the language).

Which brings me to: someone who has been very close to me in the past was with me in London the last ten or so days. He is currently waiting for his train to take him back from where he came. The first 36 or so hours were blissful. Perfect. Then things went downhill. Not for reasons that were his fault or my fault -- there were problems with lodging and we ended up sleeping in three different places instead of the planned two (I had a free hotel night that I used for one night). I don't know exactly what happened between us most of the rest of the time, but he was critical of me (to the point of making me cry, repeatedly) and very often not pleasant to be around for more than an hour. It often felt like we were crossing paths in the same city, not being in the same city *together*. Few decisions felt like they were made unanimously. I walked away from him on the street a couple nights ago, and I almost did it again this morning -- which would have meant us parting without saying goodbye. I considered him one of my closest friends, and now I feel like I don't ever want to visit him (he doesn't live in the US) for more than 2-3 *hours*. Hours. I've sent him two emails today, one long and one short, expressing all my upset. I hate that I had to do it by email, but there's no way I could have spoken to him this morning. For one, there wasn't time, for two, I would have been emotional and started crying again and thus would have been unable to talk coherently, and for three, when I tried to tell him how I was feeling a couple days ago, he walked away from me and didn't let me finish -- and I hadn't been criticizing him, I was just wanting to quickly explain why I was feeling the way I was (there were factors such as lack of sleep and me now being unaccustomed to being around any one person for very long and having to take another person into consideration when I make plans).

So. Some things I've learned. While I miss my friends, I think it's by and large best if I just keep in contact with them via email. After the first friend visited, I made jokes with friends that I was going to require a questionnaire of people before I would agree for them to come and visit me. This was said with a strong amount of seriousness, and with there being only 2-3 people that could not have to fill out the questionnaire.

I know there are two people that have mentioned visiting me when I get to Portugal. One of them is one of my very best, long-term (10+ year) friends. We know each other very well and I would love to see him. We've never travelled far together (we've gone on short, weekend trips), and I imagine that the visit would be fine. He's travelled a lot and I have (I think) a good understanding of how he travels. The other person is a woman I know, and from what I know of her, I think she would also be fine. If anything, I think she would be more active in doing things than myself and maybe annoyed about my relative laziness. But we'd probably end up dancing and flirting with the boys every night, and having a lovely time.

I have no idea how serious either of these people are about coming to visit me in Portugal, and it's probably likely that the trips won't happen.

Naybe I shouldn't travel with men? This is strange, because since I was 16, my best friends have frequently been guys. Straight. Gay. Doesn't matter. The men that visited me were only friends -- I can only imagine the headaches if they were people I was romantically involved with and all the stuff that happened happened.

Right now, I have a sour taste in my mouth about being in London, and I can't wait to leave.

I've just booked a ticket and lodging in a city far away. I leave tomorrow. By myself. Where I can be blissfully alone, as I don't speak the language and don't count on English, Spanish or French being widely spoken. I will catch up on some personal journal writing (hasn't happened in almost a week, which is close to a record for me on this trip). It's escapism, I know and I embrace it wholly.

Forgive me if I happen to become a poor correspondent for the next few or several days while I try to relax and unwind after this past week.