The management of fear
Nearly every morning in the past several days, I wake up and feel a great deal of trepidation and fear about my trip. I'm excited about the trip, but it still scares me a great deal. I've always said it was a healthy type of scared, but now it is feel more like a certain level of terror. Understandable, being that I will be embarking on a year without friends or family close by, and will be going to countries where I do not speak the language and am totally unfamiliar with. Yes, the unknown is quite exciting to me, but still is very daunting.
How have I dealt with this? By not dealing with it this week. I've taken care of a couple minor items on my to do list, but still haven't bought my tickets to get me to Argentina. However, my roommate is back on Monday and I plan to get my butt in gear next week. I need to figure out how I will be voting (research shows absentee voting, but I do not know what my address will be, so...more research is needed). As my state is one of the 'swing' states, voting is a priority to me. If the election doesn't go the way I'd like, I joke that I won't return until that person is not in office. This is only a partial joke. I will teach English, or find some other job (whether legal or under the table) so that I can live elsewhere. Or perhaps I sell a book or two at the end of my year and can live off those proceeds. Or perhaps I meet and become entangled with a wealthy[enough] man, and he enables a continued Life of Leisure for me. Or perhaps I go opal hunting in Australia and find a bunch of lovely, large stones. Or perhaps I start painting again and sell those. Or perhaps my photography becomes the quality for me to sell it to those who buy travel photography. Or perhaps I hook up with an established writer/artist and work as their assistant. Or perhaps, well, you get the idea. There are options for financing a living while living abroad.
Another aspect of the fear is twofold:
1. I plan on flying from Miami to Argentina. This has not been a good few weeks for Florida, and I wonder how Florida will be in a few more weeks.
2. The news folks and the political folks talk about the possibility of a terrorist attack before the elections. After what happened in Spain, this seems a possibility. I'm not incredibly worried about this, but it is in my mind and makes me hesitant to fly in October.
Really though, I haven't been able to fully come to grips with my fears, so I have just been going about relaxing. Each day that passes, my muscles relax a little more and I feel a bit calmer. The 1-2 people I'd really like to discuss this with aren't available right now, so I've been going this alone until then. In my view, it's much better to discuss this with someone who's gone through this. "It'll be fine" or "It's only for a year" just isn't helping, which is what I've heard from a couple friends (who haven't travelled or lived abroad for an extended time), when I've mentioned this in passing to them.
How have I dealt with this? By not dealing with it this week. I've taken care of a couple minor items on my to do list, but still haven't bought my tickets to get me to Argentina. However, my roommate is back on Monday and I plan to get my butt in gear next week. I need to figure out how I will be voting (research shows absentee voting, but I do not know what my address will be, so...more research is needed). As my state is one of the 'swing' states, voting is a priority to me. If the election doesn't go the way I'd like, I joke that I won't return until that person is not in office. This is only a partial joke. I will teach English, or find some other job (whether legal or under the table) so that I can live elsewhere. Or perhaps I sell a book or two at the end of my year and can live off those proceeds. Or perhaps I meet and become entangled with a wealthy[enough] man, and he enables a continued Life of Leisure for me. Or perhaps I go opal hunting in Australia and find a bunch of lovely, large stones. Or perhaps I start painting again and sell those. Or perhaps my photography becomes the quality for me to sell it to those who buy travel photography. Or perhaps I hook up with an established writer/artist and work as their assistant. Or perhaps, well, you get the idea. There are options for financing a living while living abroad.
Another aspect of the fear is twofold:
1. I plan on flying from Miami to Argentina. This has not been a good few weeks for Florida, and I wonder how Florida will be in a few more weeks.
2. The news folks and the political folks talk about the possibility of a terrorist attack before the elections. After what happened in Spain, this seems a possibility. I'm not incredibly worried about this, but it is in my mind and makes me hesitant to fly in October.
Really though, I haven't been able to fully come to grips with my fears, so I have just been going about relaxing. Each day that passes, my muscles relax a little more and I feel a bit calmer. The 1-2 people I'd really like to discuss this with aren't available right now, so I've been going this alone until then. In my view, it's much better to discuss this with someone who's gone through this. "It'll be fine" or "It's only for a year" just isn't helping, which is what I've heard from a couple friends (who haven't travelled or lived abroad for an extended time), when I've mentioned this in passing to them.
posted by Shana @ 4:17 PM
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